Blog Post

Are You A Different Person At Work Than You Are At Home?

  • By Laurie McAnaugh
  • 03 Mar, 2020
During the first week of each of the Powerful Men or Powerful Women 6 Week Coaching Series that I teach throughout the year, we do what's called a "Power Assessment."  I sometimes also do this with large groups when I've been asked to speak within companies or for school staff members.  Basically, we go through a checklist that asks us to reflect on our self-awareness, self-care and emotional and thought management skills.  It's a pretty comprehensive list of bullet points that encourages us to do a serious and brutally honest 30,000 foot evaluation of who we are choosing to be most days.  Not to add to the self-judgment of course, but instead we use the assessment as a resource to build our internal tool box.  After all, we don't change what we don't choose to see.  But regardless of the group or gender, I hear some version of the same interesting comment over and over again. 

"I am a different person at work than I am at home."  Like a chameleon that changes its colors depending on its environment.  People are often surprised by this revelation.  It's an uncomfortable "ah-ha" moment. 

And once you see it, you can't un-see it. 

But it makes sense.  We feel we have to be on our best behavior at work.  If we let our "true" self out, if we say how we "really" feel, we might risk our job.  It's dangerous to not manage our emotions around our bosses, customers and colleagues.  At home, we can let loose.  This is where we can release the pent up stress of the day.  We're not so worried about the consequences.

But that doesn't mean there aren't any.

What might happen if we strived to be the same person no matter where we go?  Or who we're with?  What would that take?

Gary Zukav in his book, The Seat of the Soul talks about authentic power as "the alignment of the personality with the soul."  I've always loved that definition.  He writes specifically, "When the personality comes fully to serve the energy of its soul, that is authentic power."  To me, that means being intentional about pausing, listening to that still, small voice within and allowing the core of who you are lead you around versus knee-jerk, or stressed out reactions caused by overwhelm and fear.  Living each day with depth versus on the surface.

That should be easy, right? 

If only it was.  Except it kind of is.  Yet it's really not.  But is it?

Yes and no.  Power will always be found in the simple.  We make things far more complicated than they need to be and we often create problems where problems need not exist.  If you're paying attention, you'll see yourself doing this at some point during your week.  So the more we scale back to the simplest of truths- like compassion, gratitude and love- the easier it is for us to remain in alignment with who we really are. 

Yet we're also human.  We're constantly surrounded by people and situations that challenge us.  We are imperfect at our core.

So how can we be the same person at work and at home just a little bit more?  Be curious and fascinated with yourself.  And by human behavior in general.  Evaluate how much energy you put into judgement of yourself and others, creating additional and unnecessary stress.  Spend more energy focused on your own personal choices in thought, perspectives, actions and reactions and less time wishing others were different.   Focus more on your reception of other people's behaviors versus how those behaviors are being delivered.  Focus on what you can control.

Because a peaceful self really does begin and end with you.  And a peaceful you will always be more authentic no matter where you are, what you're doing or who you're with.

You really are that powerful....
 

By Laurie McAnaugh 16 Sep, 2021
Take Care of Yourself
By Laurie McAnaugh 05 Jan, 2021
We've all heard it over and over again these past few weeks. Maybe you've even said it yourself.

"Good riddance to 2020! Don't let the door hit you on the way out! Bring on 2021!"

I get it. It was a year that brought on many challenges.
Fear. Isolation. Illness. Discord. Unprecedented uncertainty.

Here's the interesting thing though. When I challenge this "Good Riddance" mantra, every single person is able to list so many beautiful moments from the last 12 months.

I would guess that's true for you, too.

So take a moment to breathe. Deeply. Right now.
What will you take with you from 2020?
What gifts? What insights? What habits? What non-negotiables? What unexpected treasures?

What changes do you want to keep?
Instead of rushing to slam the door on this past year, decide instead to gently close it with gratitude and positive anticipation of what's to come.
It has been a year that has created openings for entire paradigm shifts within each and every one of us.
And within our world.

Some of those shifts in 2021 will be amazing. Some may continue to feel like obstacles for awhile.

But we're all on this crazy ride doing the best we can with what we've got in this moment.
Let us continue to develop our own unique personal tool belts so that when life acts all "2020" on us, we've got the reserves to be able to hold our mental health strong while still seeing the multitude of blessings everywhere.

Let us seek to better honor our own humanity and the humanity in others by letting go of the self-defeating, stress-inducing burden of judgment.  And at the same time, let us hold ourselves accountable for rising up to higher ground.  

Because 2020 has strengthened us and we really are that powerful.


By Laurie McAnaugh 22 Dec, 2020
My husband, Todd and I recently spent a week in the Berkshires of Western Massachusetts. We make it a priority to spend time there at least a few times a year. It's a quiet, peaceful part of the world filled with mountains and snow-capped beauty.

We fill our days with simplicity. Long, scenic drives through the peaks and valleys, and hikes that lead us to places we’ll never forget.

The hikes are always an adventure. There’s just something about being alone in the woods, miles from civilization, without cell service.

As we navigate unfamiliar trails, the ground beneath our feet is sometimes wet and slippery. It takes all of our concentration and agility to safely stay the course (okay, just me- my husband is annoyingly fearless and freakishly agile). Occasionally, I can forget to stop, look up, and absorb the magnificent landscape.

Deep in the woods, the world becomes so still that every noise seems to intensify. The sounds of the scurrying wild, the forceful winter breezes that push the trees to their limits. The wind causes the bare birch trunks to creak, making haunting sounds that keep us on high alert. The sounds so intense at times, you wonder when a tree might fall, and where. But we brave the path ahead, not knowing exactly what the final destination will look like and what obstacles lie ahead. We just keep going.

To be in the middle of the cold, barren, breathless beauty completely disconnected to civilization, makes these excursions feel both risky and sacred at the same time. For this naturally cautious girl (did I mention my fear of wild animals?), these isolated walks in the wild bring on a mix of conflicting feelings and emotions:

Gratitude, concern, reverence, worry, wonder, apprehension, appreciation, uncertainty, and faith.

And when we finally arrive at an enchanting waterfall, I know it was worth the effort it took to get there.

Reminds me of 2020. So much to have felt anxious about. So much to appreciate. So much isolation. Yet so many reasons to trust that good is around the corner.

So we just keep going. We brave the unknown. No matter how slippery, and treacherous the journey has been, if we remember to pause and look around, we’ll find much beauty and opportunity to embrace.

Wishing you the sacredness of simplicity this holiday season and a 2021 filled with love, connection and exciting new adventures.
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