Love Will Always Be Part of the Answer
- By Laurie McAnaugh
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- 05 Jun, 2020
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June 2020
It was the morning after the grand jury decided to not charge Darren Wilson for the murder of Michael Brown.
That day, I was teaching a weekly two
hour Powerful Women class at a local shelter for those who had
experienced domestic violence. I was also working with each of the women
individually during 45 min life coaching sessions each week. The group
spanned different races and ethnicities but all were suffering from
poverty and abuse.
We had gotten to know each other. We
had earned one another's trust. We had had some meaningful and life
changing conversations in that room. They knew I deeply cared about each
of them.
Typically, the group would filter in
and we would all chat casually as we waited for everyone to join. This
particular morning, there was no casual conversation among the women.
There was only anger. Vengeful, hate-filled anger. The emotions were
raw and real. As they vented their fury, comments quickly turned from
justice, to their wish that "all police officers be shot." They
continued to discuss law enforcement and the system of racism, lumping
all white men in uniform into one large vat of evil.
I sat quietly and just listened. Until finally someone realized I hadn't started class. And she asked me why.
Without any defensiveness, anger or
judgment, I shared that my husband was a law enforcement officer- both
corrections and police.
What happened next was a beautiful
combination of honoring, learning, sharing, listening, and empathizing.
We heard each other. We talked about what it means for all of us to
choose to be part of the solution rather than part of the problem. And
how love will always lead us further than hate.
We talked about how anger was ok. And
how sometimes it can motivate us towards change- but if we allow it to
be the only emotion that leads, what will become of us? Opening up our
perspectives towards hope and optimism allows us to see the good in each
other.
We also talked about the dangers of
calling a full bushel spoiled because of a few bad apples. If we want to
reap from the glorious harvest of humanity, we all can commit to growth
here.
Because matching darkness with
darkness will always yield only one unfortunate choice. More darkness.
If we want permanent and lasting change, it's the responsibility of
every single one of us- regardless of race, ethnicity or gender- to be
the light forward.
After all, it only takes one beautiful person with a dream to impact us all.
We've all heard it over and over again these past few weeks. Maybe you've even said it yourself.
"Good riddance to 2020! Don't let the door hit you on the way out! Bring on 2021!"
I get it. It was a year that brought on many challenges.
Fear. Isolation. Illness. Discord. Unprecedented uncertainty.
Here's the interesting thing though. When I challenge this "Good Riddance" mantra, every single person is able to list so many beautiful moments from the last 12 months.
I would guess that's true for you, too.
So take a moment to breathe. Deeply. Right now.
What will you take with you from 2020?
What gifts? What insights? What habits? What non-negotiables? What unexpected treasures?
What changes do you want to keep?
Instead of rushing to slam the door on this past year, decide instead to gently close it with gratitude and positive anticipation of what's to come.
It has been a year that has created openings for entire paradigm shifts within each and every one of us.
And within our world.
Some of those shifts in 2021 will be amazing. Some may continue to feel like obstacles for awhile.
But we're all on this crazy ride doing the best we can with what we've got in this moment.
Let us continue to develop our own unique personal tool belts so that when life acts all "2020" on us, we've got the reserves to be able to hold our mental health strong while still seeing the multitude of blessings everywhere.
Let us seek to better honor our own humanity and the humanity in others by letting go of the self-defeating, stress-inducing burden of judgment. And at the same time, let us hold ourselves accountable for rising up to higher ground.
Because 2020 has strengthened us and we really are that powerful.
My husband, Todd and I recently spent a week in the Berkshires of Western Massachusetts. We make it a priority to spend time there at least a few times a year. It's a quiet, peaceful part of the world filled with mountains and snow-capped beauty.
We fill our days with simplicity. Long, scenic drives through the peaks and valleys, and hikes that lead us to places we’ll never forget.
The hikes are always an adventure. There’s just something about being alone in the woods, miles from civilization, without cell service.
As we navigate unfamiliar trails, the ground beneath our feet is sometimes wet and slippery. It takes all of our concentration and agility to safely stay the course (okay, just me- my husband is annoyingly fearless and freakishly agile). Occasionally, I can forget to stop, look up, and absorb the magnificent landscape.
Deep in the woods, the world becomes so still that every noise seems to intensify. The sounds of the scurrying wild, the forceful winter breezes that push the trees to their limits. The wind causes the bare birch trunks to creak, making haunting sounds that keep us on high alert. The sounds so intense at times, you wonder when a tree might fall, and where. But we brave the path ahead, not knowing exactly what the final destination will look like and what obstacles lie ahead. We just keep going.
To be in the middle of the cold, barren, breathless beauty completely disconnected to civilization, makes these excursions feel both risky and sacred at the same time. For this naturally cautious girl (did I mention my fear of wild animals?), these isolated walks in the wild bring on a mix of conflicting feelings and emotions:
Gratitude, concern, reverence, worry, wonder, apprehension, appreciation, uncertainty, and faith.
And when we finally arrive at an enchanting waterfall, I know it was worth the effort it took to get there.
Reminds me of 2020. So much to have felt anxious about. So much to appreciate. So much isolation. Yet so many reasons to trust that good is around the corner.
So we just keep going. We brave the unknown. No matter how slippery, and treacherous the journey has been, if we remember to pause and look around, we’ll find much beauty and opportunity to embrace.
Wishing you the sacredness of simplicity this holiday season and a 2021 filled with love, connection and exciting new adventures.
There are these brief moments in life that we're tapped on the shoulder and shown what is most important. Among the chaos and noise, there can be quiet, too. If we're willing to pause and look, we can see the evidence of Grace sitting right there in front of us. Let this be one of those moments.
As we approach election day and its aftermath, here are a few powerful points that can shift you into choosing more peace and less chaos, and therefore contributing to a society that we all are capable of creating.
We are spiritual beings having a human experience. What does that phrase mean to you?
The power of the human spirit is being boldly and remarkably displayed by countless people across our country and globe each day. In honor of all of them, let us each ask ourselves, "What is this pandemic here to teach me?"
This is new territory for a human race wired to connect. How are we supposed to feel and how should we spend our days while staying inside our homes? Does anyone really have the answers?
Yes. You do.
How can we work towards aligning ourselves with who we want to be regardless of where we are or who we're with?
Trusting. Not easy for any human, most especially in the midst of crisis, but what else do we truly have but that?
