July 2019
- By Laurie McAnaugh
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- 30 Jun, 2019
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Dear Laurie,
I find that frustration seems to be a normal state of mind for me. I'm frustrated with myself for not being where I think I should be in life. I'm frustrated within some of my close personal relationships because I'm tired of the typical dynamics in how we relate to each other. I'm frustrated at work, at my boss and some of my co-workers for many different reasons.
I even find myself getting frustrated at strangers when they don't act the way they should. I feel stuck- HELP!
Signed,
Frustrated
Dear Frustrated,
My coaching and teaching has always been geared towards personal responsibility, powerful choice and profound self-awareness. When I teach 6 week classes or have worked with a client for some time, I will often ask, "In one word, what have you gained from this inner work?" The word that comes to people most often in the 16 years I've asked this question, is FREEDOM.
One of the best gifts we can give ourselves is the skill of emotional management. The ability to manage our emotions, regardless of what is happening to us or around us keeps us from staying stuck in frustration or stagnation. We falsely believe our frustration is caused by external circumstance or other people. It's not. It is caused by our internal stories. And our internal stories lead us to our emotions, which lead to our actions which lead to our experiences.
So if we want our experiences to change, we must be willing to choose deep self-reflection and challenge ourselves to take ownership of the story we're telling ourselves in any given moment. Here's three key steps to get you started:
1. Get out of the victim mindset. Nothing powerful ever happens there. If you're feeling sorry for yourself, and victimized by circumstance, you're always going to be tired, stuck and frustrated. You're in charge of your life. And nobody can determine where you put your focus but you. Take responsibility for what you want your life to look like moving forward. Identify your strongest options in thoughts, emotions and actions and make one powerful choice at a time. Before long, your life will look very different than it does now.
2. Take it up a notch. Ask yourself, "What would radical compassion and appreciation look like here?"
If you're focused on judgment- either of yourself or someone else, you're going to suffer. We're all taking this journey of life and it's no joke. Nobody does it perfect. Honor the humanity in all of us, knowing we're alldoing the best we can with the tools we have in our own personal tool belts in each moment. Compassion and appreciation lifts us up to higher ground- the view is better up there and we make more powerful decisions when we choose to look for the good in life, ourselves and each other.
3. Let stuff go. Don't let frustrations pile up in your mind. Be intentional about releasing the thoughts and emotions that you recognize aren't serving you. Choose mindfulness strategies that create space between the situation and your typical reactions to them. Be on the look out for what you might be holding onto that may be creating problems that need not exist. Be willing to ask yourself in a moment of frustration, "Do I need to carry this around or is it best to drop this where I stand?" Be brutally honest with yourself here. Brave the release where appropriate. Frustration weighs you down. Letting go is freedom.
You really are that powerful.
We've all heard it over and over again these past few weeks. Maybe you've even said it yourself.
"Good riddance to 2020! Don't let the door hit you on the way out! Bring on 2021!"
I get it. It was a year that brought on many challenges.
Fear. Isolation. Illness. Discord. Unprecedented uncertainty.
Here's the interesting thing though. When I challenge this "Good Riddance" mantra, every single person is able to list so many beautiful moments from the last 12 months.
I would guess that's true for you, too.
So take a moment to breathe. Deeply. Right now.
What will you take with you from 2020?
What gifts? What insights? What habits? What non-negotiables? What unexpected treasures?
What changes do you want to keep?
Instead of rushing to slam the door on this past year, decide instead to gently close it with gratitude and positive anticipation of what's to come.
It has been a year that has created openings for entire paradigm shifts within each and every one of us.
And within our world.
Some of those shifts in 2021 will be amazing. Some may continue to feel like obstacles for awhile.
But we're all on this crazy ride doing the best we can with what we've got in this moment.
Let us continue to develop our own unique personal tool belts so that when life acts all "2020" on us, we've got the reserves to be able to hold our mental health strong while still seeing the multitude of blessings everywhere.
Let us seek to better honor our own humanity and the humanity in others by letting go of the self-defeating, stress-inducing burden of judgment. And at the same time, let us hold ourselves accountable for rising up to higher ground.
Because 2020 has strengthened us and we really are that powerful.
My husband, Todd and I recently spent a week in the Berkshires of Western Massachusetts. We make it a priority to spend time there at least a few times a year. It's a quiet, peaceful part of the world filled with mountains and snow-capped beauty.
We fill our days with simplicity. Long, scenic drives through the peaks and valleys, and hikes that lead us to places we’ll never forget.
The hikes are always an adventure. There’s just something about being alone in the woods, miles from civilization, without cell service.
As we navigate unfamiliar trails, the ground beneath our feet is sometimes wet and slippery. It takes all of our concentration and agility to safely stay the course (okay, just me- my husband is annoyingly fearless and freakishly agile). Occasionally, I can forget to stop, look up, and absorb the magnificent landscape.
Deep in the woods, the world becomes so still that every noise seems to intensify. The sounds of the scurrying wild, the forceful winter breezes that push the trees to their limits. The wind causes the bare birch trunks to creak, making haunting sounds that keep us on high alert. The sounds so intense at times, you wonder when a tree might fall, and where. But we brave the path ahead, not knowing exactly what the final destination will look like and what obstacles lie ahead. We just keep going.
To be in the middle of the cold, barren, breathless beauty completely disconnected to civilization, makes these excursions feel both risky and sacred at the same time. For this naturally cautious girl (did I mention my fear of wild animals?), these isolated walks in the wild bring on a mix of conflicting feelings and emotions:
Gratitude, concern, reverence, worry, wonder, apprehension, appreciation, uncertainty, and faith.
And when we finally arrive at an enchanting waterfall, I know it was worth the effort it took to get there.
Reminds me of 2020. So much to have felt anxious about. So much to appreciate. So much isolation. Yet so many reasons to trust that good is around the corner.
So we just keep going. We brave the unknown. No matter how slippery, and treacherous the journey has been, if we remember to pause and look around, we’ll find much beauty and opportunity to embrace.
Wishing you the sacredness of simplicity this holiday season and a 2021 filled with love, connection and exciting new adventures.
There are these brief moments in life that we're tapped on the shoulder and shown what is most important. Among the chaos and noise, there can be quiet, too. If we're willing to pause and look, we can see the evidence of Grace sitting right there in front of us. Let this be one of those moments.
As we approach election day and its aftermath, here are a few powerful points that can shift you into choosing more peace and less chaos, and therefore contributing to a society that we all are capable of creating.
It was the morning after the grand jury decided to not charge Darren Wilson for the murder of Michael Brown....
We are spiritual beings having a human experience. What does that phrase mean to you?
The power of the human spirit is being boldly and remarkably displayed by countless people across our country and globe each day. In honor of all of them, let us each ask ourselves, "What is this pandemic here to teach me?"
This is new territory for a human race wired to connect. How are we supposed to feel and how should we spend our days while staying inside our homes? Does anyone really have the answers?
Yes. You do.
How can we work towards aligning ourselves with who we want to be regardless of where we are or who we're with?
