June 2019
- By Laurie McAnaugh
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- 05 Jun, 2019
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Letting Go
Dear Laurie,
I experienced a difficult past and have been in therapy for many years as a result. I want to move forward but I don’t know what that looks like. How does one finally let go and move on?
Signed,
Wanting to move forward
Dear Wanting to Move Forward,
Obviously, each person is unique, and each experience impacts us all in different ways depending on various factors. It’s sometimes necessary to unpack old wounds in order to heal. With that said, we don’t need to stay stuck in the past forever. Here are just a few action step ideas to initiate change:
- Ask yourself it it’s time to stop talking about the past. We can’t change it and continuing to talk about it, re-visit it, or try and figure it out can keep us stuck. Assuming that the many years of therapy has served its purpose, it’s now time to talk about today and what future you’re wanting to create. You’re in charge of where you direct your focus.
- Be the gatekeeper. Pay attention to what you’re thinking and be the gatekeeper of your thoughts. Try not to engage, argue with, fix or concern yourself with the repetitive thinking patterns. Simply notice them and step away with a simple, “That thought pattern no longer serves me.”
- Take responsibility for your triggers. When we blame other people or situations for why we can’t move forward, nothing positive will result. Don’t believe that you’re powerless to triggers. This is challenging work and will take focused intention- it will be worth it. Your triggers only own the power you give them.
- Set goals. What do you want for yourself? Pay attention to the obstacles and excuses your mind creates. Write down your goals and create 2-3 strategies or action steps that will get you closer to those goals. Consider setting weekly, monthly and yearly goals- stay focused on this next chapter of your life and what you want for yourself now.
- Focus on giving. A mind in pain becomes a selfish mind. This is true for all of us. When we’re stuck in anxiety and depression, we’re focused on our own pain, our own sadness and our own internal chaos. If we can focus on contributing to something larger than ourselves, we create space to move forward.
- Choose Gratitude. It’s easy to focus on the negative and far more difficult to choose grace when we’re in the dark. Yet gratitude is what helps us to be present in the moment and gives us space to move on from the past.
- Be compassionate with yourself. When you find yourself getting frustrated, believe in your potential for change. Go beyond the self-judgment. Take on the mantra, “Just because I haven’t figured it out yet, doesn’t mean I won’t”. Believe in yourself just as much as you would believe in a best friend.
What other ideas might you try?
Being stuck in the past is exhausting. You deserve all that the present and future
has to offer. Need help? Consider working with a coach. Life coaches are trained to focus on what is in front of you versus what happened behind you. A partner who will challenge your perspectives and help you to create important strategies and new ways of seeing yourself, others and life itself can be quite beneficial.
You're more powerful than you think....
We've all heard it over and over again these past few weeks. Maybe you've even said it yourself.
"Good riddance to 2020! Don't let the door hit you on the way out! Bring on 2021!"
I get it. It was a year that brought on many challenges.
Fear. Isolation. Illness. Discord. Unprecedented uncertainty.
Here's the interesting thing though. When I challenge this "Good Riddance" mantra, every single person is able to list so many beautiful moments from the last 12 months.
I would guess that's true for you, too.
So take a moment to breathe. Deeply. Right now.
What will you take with you from 2020?
What gifts? What insights? What habits? What non-negotiables? What unexpected treasures?
What changes do you want to keep?
Instead of rushing to slam the door on this past year, decide instead to gently close it with gratitude and positive anticipation of what's to come.
It has been a year that has created openings for entire paradigm shifts within each and every one of us.
And within our world.
Some of those shifts in 2021 will be amazing. Some may continue to feel like obstacles for awhile.
But we're all on this crazy ride doing the best we can with what we've got in this moment.
Let us continue to develop our own unique personal tool belts so that when life acts all "2020" on us, we've got the reserves to be able to hold our mental health strong while still seeing the multitude of blessings everywhere.
Let us seek to better honor our own humanity and the humanity in others by letting go of the self-defeating, stress-inducing burden of judgment. And at the same time, let us hold ourselves accountable for rising up to higher ground.
Because 2020 has strengthened us and we really are that powerful.
My husband, Todd and I recently spent a week in the Berkshires of Western Massachusetts. We make it a priority to spend time there at least a few times a year. It's a quiet, peaceful part of the world filled with mountains and snow-capped beauty.
We fill our days with simplicity. Long, scenic drives through the peaks and valleys, and hikes that lead us to places we’ll never forget.
The hikes are always an adventure. There’s just something about being alone in the woods, miles from civilization, without cell service.
As we navigate unfamiliar trails, the ground beneath our feet is sometimes wet and slippery. It takes all of our concentration and agility to safely stay the course (okay, just me- my husband is annoyingly fearless and freakishly agile). Occasionally, I can forget to stop, look up, and absorb the magnificent landscape.
Deep in the woods, the world becomes so still that every noise seems to intensify. The sounds of the scurrying wild, the forceful winter breezes that push the trees to their limits. The wind causes the bare birch trunks to creak, making haunting sounds that keep us on high alert. The sounds so intense at times, you wonder when a tree might fall, and where. But we brave the path ahead, not knowing exactly what the final destination will look like and what obstacles lie ahead. We just keep going.
To be in the middle of the cold, barren, breathless beauty completely disconnected to civilization, makes these excursions feel both risky and sacred at the same time. For this naturally cautious girl (did I mention my fear of wild animals?), these isolated walks in the wild bring on a mix of conflicting feelings and emotions:
Gratitude, concern, reverence, worry, wonder, apprehension, appreciation, uncertainty, and faith.
And when we finally arrive at an enchanting waterfall, I know it was worth the effort it took to get there.
Reminds me of 2020. So much to have felt anxious about. So much to appreciate. So much isolation. Yet so many reasons to trust that good is around the corner.
So we just keep going. We brave the unknown. No matter how slippery, and treacherous the journey has been, if we remember to pause and look around, we’ll find much beauty and opportunity to embrace.
Wishing you the sacredness of simplicity this holiday season and a 2021 filled with love, connection and exciting new adventures.
There are these brief moments in life that we're tapped on the shoulder and shown what is most important. Among the chaos and noise, there can be quiet, too. If we're willing to pause and look, we can see the evidence of Grace sitting right there in front of us. Let this be one of those moments.
As we approach election day and its aftermath, here are a few powerful points that can shift you into choosing more peace and less chaos, and therefore contributing to a society that we all are capable of creating.
It was the morning after the grand jury decided to not charge Darren Wilson for the murder of Michael Brown....
We are spiritual beings having a human experience. What does that phrase mean to you?
The power of the human spirit is being boldly and remarkably displayed by countless people across our country and globe each day. In honor of all of them, let us each ask ourselves, "What is this pandemic here to teach me?"
This is new territory for a human race wired to connect. How are we supposed to feel and how should we spend our days while staying inside our homes? Does anyone really have the answers?
Yes. You do.
How can we work towards aligning ourselves with who we want to be regardless of where we are or who we're with?
